Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Brain cells come and brain cells go... but fat cells live forever.
Dear Lord - if you can't make me skinny... please make my friends fat.
A diet is the penalty we pay for exceeding the feed limit.
If nature had intended our skeletons to be visible it would have put them on the outside of our bodies. (Elmer Rice)
Inside me there's a thin woman struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate her with 4 or 5 cupcakes.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
One of the life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "You know sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat.
Thank you for calling the Weight Loss Hotline.
If you'd like to lose half a pound right now, press 1 eighteen thousand times.
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie. (Jim Davis)
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Why blame the cheeseburgers and pizzas and ice cream for that extra pound?
How do you know it wasn't the broccoli and cottage cheese?
Wife: "This is my favorite picture of myself."
Husband: "You've got to be kidding! Look... it's not focused well, the wind is blowing your hair all over the place, and you're squinting from the sun. How can this be your favorite picture?"
Wife: "I look thin."