Imagine praying and hearing this:
Thank you for calling My Father's House.
Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for Requests
Press 2 for Thanksgiving
Press 3 for Complaints
Press 4 for All Other Inquiries
I am sorry, all of our angels are busy helping others right now. However, your prayer is important to us and will be answered in the order in which it was received, so please stay on the line.
If you would like to speak to:
God - press 1
Jesus - press 2
The Holy Spirit - press 3
Another Higher Being - press 4
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding, please press 4.
To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven: press 5. Enter his or her Social Security number, then press the pound key. If you get a negative response, try area code 666.
For nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth and where Noah's Ark is, please wait until you arrive here.
Our computers show that you have already prayed once today. Please hang up and try again tomorrow.
This office is closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday. Please pray again Monday after 9:30 a.m. If you need emergency assistance dial 1(900) GOD-WHY ME (this is a toll call)