Pastoral position open

Wanted: A puppet. Good idea to bring tape recorder to call committee meetings for later use. Biblical knowledge optional. Must have large stomach for the coffee expected to drink at the local restaurant. Please leave new ideas at home, but our "friendly congregation" is open to change. Will need own snowpants, parkas, hats, mittens and boots for our "warm" congregation. Pastor with a family is desired...but make sure children are not noticeable.