Woman at department store exchange counter:
"This is a Christmas gift from my husband. Do I have to wait until Christmas to exchange it?"
Dear friend,
Your name is on my Christmas card list, and as I wrote you name and address on the envelope, an odd, puzzling feeling of wonder washed over me, and I wondered ... who are you?
Why do you have to leave the cookies and milk out for Santa?
Because he's a man and can't get them himself.
Child to mother on Christmas Eve:
"Can we eat breakfast tonight so it won't get in the way tomorrow morning?"
Man: "You've got post-holiday depression, don't you? You miss the special frivolity that only happens during the holiday season."
Woman: "No, I miss the special desserts that only happen during the holiday season.
One year I helped my daughter make her Christmas cards. The front had a picture of her three children and said, "I like to give homemade gifts for Christmas...". Inside it said, "which one of the kids would you like?"
The four stages of man:
He believes in Santa Claus
He doesn't believe in Santa Claus
He is Santa Claus
He looks like Santa Claus
The funniest face
Looked out at me
From a silver ball
On the Christmas tree!
At first, I thought
It was Santa's elf,
But I looked again and
It was just myself!