God tells me not to be anxious. Why don't I listen to Him?
Sometimes we associate the word anxious with looking forward to something good that is to come, such as what gifts Santa will bring.
However, I decided to look at the definition on dictionary.com:
----"Full of mental distress or uneasiness because of fear of danger or misfortune; greatly worried; Uneasy and apprehensive about an uncertain event or matter; worried. "
There is even a special note at the bottom of the page indicating that the word is often used instead of "eager," but many prefer it only be used when referring to worry or unease. See here.
I am always anxious it seems. With my low self-esteem, I am always worried about what others will think of me. The thought of whether or not they will approve of me or approve of the task I have completed gives me great distress. I become uneasy and worried.
I know why I am this way. I am never good enough for my Mom. I even worked myself into a depression before Christmas worried about whether or not what I was doing would be acceptable to her. I never am. And it wasn't. My worries came true.
I know that it does not matter what other people think of me. I know that it only matters what God thinks of me. However, somehow, in the deep parts of what makes me "me," I still become distressed. It is something that will always be a part of me and never go away.
In Philippians 4:6, I am reminded how I am to handle being anxious. God wants me to come to Him in prayer in petition. He knows me. He knows my anxious desires of approval will always be with me. He just wants me to come to Him in prayer whenever these feelings come along.
For example, I often plan challenges, create videos, write tutorials, etc. for the website. When I become anxious about whether or not it will be accepted as okay, I need to pray to God and ask Him to be in the hearts and minds of those who view it so that they can be benefited by it with an open mind. I need to give it to Him and say, "Here it is God, I made it with the gifts You gave me, now do with it as according to your Will."
I know God can work good through all things. I just need to give it to Him so that he can do so and not worry because I can do nothing without Him. If anything good is to come from the things I do, it is only going to be because of Him. He can work good through the things I accomplish in the most unexpected ways.
God gives me instructions. He gives me a way out. Just pray, he tells me. What could be more simpler?
*This post was first written January 3, 2009.