As I read today's devotional, I just laugh and think to myself, 'oh, it's so good I'll just point them to the devotion, write the prayer, and be done.' Then as I finish the last paragraph and ponder, I realize that this devotion journey itself relates.
Writing these devotions and sharing them from Nov 29 through Dec 25 sure has been a lesson on trust for me. I have felt God's lead to write the devotions and I've followed. I've felt God's lead to write these introductions to the devotions and send out links via the newsletter. Only what I have not shared is that many are unsubscribing from the newsletter. I get an email each time someone subscribes and each time someone unsubscribes. Every time I get an unsubscribe email I feel that twinge of rejection (that hangup I have that I shared in an earlier devotion).
I know many people joined the newsletter to get news on digital scrapbooking and my tutorials, so when I am sharing daily about Jesus instead because I do not have time to do any new content tutorials, they unsubscribe. It feels as if these people are also rejecting Jesus which hurts my heart for a short bit, but then I keep the perspective that they could still be followers of Jesus, but just not enjoying what I write. That only reinforces that they are rejecting me.
So these devotions have not been as successful as I had hoped. Yes, I see a few who have encouraged me and left comments, but no one new. Even some regulars and some friends seem to be distant from me. The view count and the reactions wane as people get busier getting ready for Christmas and have no time to read. Maybe my writing skills are not good enough. Maybe that twinge of encouragement from God to write because I had that skill is really not true.
Then, just as in the devotion, I have to take a step back from my negative thoughts and put my focus on the fact that I am doing this because I felt called by God to do it. I have to put my focus on The Light and put all must trust in Him. He is illuminating my path for me and I can only see as far as His Light allows me to see until I take another step and He illuminates a little bit more. I have to trust Him that I am doing what I should be doing and leave the rest to Him. Those people who are unsubscribing I leave up to Him. That loss of income from anyone not getting notifications of my next new content and tutorials I leave up to Him. I walk by faith towards the brightest Light, not by sight of the dark negatives. I will get to my destination.
Please pray with me. Not to me, O Lord, but to Your name I give glory. It is nothing I do, but everything that You do. Everything I do is with trust in You as I try to follow Your lead. I just sure hope I'm listening well! What if what I think is Your lead is not really Your lead? I know, I know, I have to wipe that doubt out of my head as it is the evil one that causes doubt in You. You created me, You formed me and You have redeemed me through your death on the cross and resurrection. If You can do all that, why should I have doubt that You are leading me down the right path for the purposes of Your kingdom? Help me to chase away fear. That fear of rejection. That fear of not enough income. That fear of not doing what is right. That fear that my time could be spent better doing something else. Help me to boldly say, I fear not, for God is with me! I pray these things in Jesus name, who has given great promises to those who trust Him.
On the same page,
(first posted 12/22/15)